The Best of The Blunt Bean Counter - “My Kids Will Never Fight Over My Estate”

This summer, as per tradition, I am re-posting the "best of" The Blunt Bean Counter blog while I work on my golf game (it needs more work than usual :( Today, I am posting a May 2021 blog titled "My Kids Will Never Fight Over My Estate". I decided to re-post this blog because I was recently told of the acrimony caused in a family because a parent did not specifically allocate personal assets in their will as promised/told to their children during the parent's lifetime.

 

My Kids Will Never Fight Over My Estate

In December 2019, I reviewed the book “Bobby Gets Bubkes: Navigating the Sibling Estate Fight.” In that book, estate lawyer Charles Ticker attempts to explain how to avoid, or at least limit, sibling estate fights when drafting your will. In the comments section to that post, Michael James, who writes the excellent finance blog Michael James on Money, made the following remark:

Sounds like an interesting book. Sadly, I'm guessing most people incorrectly think that their own kids would never squabble in these ways, so they think they don't need to follow the book's advice.

Michael’s “guess” is very perceptive. Based on my experiences over 35 years as an accountant, many parents look at their children and their sibling relationships with rose-coloured glasses or, in some cases, with blinders. As a consequence, they ignore clear warning signals that their children have significant sibling rivalry issues and don’t work well together. In some cases, you can almost predict a sibling estate fight.

Let me be clear. I am not saying every estate has a sibling fight. Many families settle and distribute the estate in accordance with the will and their parent’s wishes with little acrimony. However, this is far from the case in many estates, as human nature can turn ugly when there is money and sentimental items at stake, especially where sibling issues have reared their heads during the parents’ lifetimes.

Today, I am going to list factors in no particular order that can cause siblings to squabble over an estate.

Why siblings squabble over an estate

• Greed – Very simply, money causes some people to lose their minds and perspective. This can destroy sibling relationships.
• Grabbers – I have seen this many times. One child “grabs,” or takes, items before the will is considered, or even ignores the wishes of the will, which starts a spiral of hurt and mistrust among the siblings.
• Sentimental items – Children often fight over these items. In many cases, this issue can be avoided if the parent simply provides a specific item-by-item allocation in their wills of sentimental items such as jewelry. Parents can also cause huge sibling issues when they promise or tell a child they will receive a certain item and then do not specifically allocate that item to the child in their will—or worse yet, allocate the item to another child. Parents: always make your will consistent with what you have told your children, or communicate the change to them.
• Grandchildren – There is no right or wrong answer here, but parents really need to think through how to allocate their estate when one of their children does not have children of their own or each family has a different number of grandchildren. Is the estate split equally by family? And if giving money directly to grandchildren—does each grandchild receive the same amount, or is the allocation equal by family and a grandchild with no siblings receives more than a grandchild with siblings?
• Business assets – When parents leave a business to one sibling and equalize other siblings in cash or investments of equal value, one would think they have accomplished peak fairness. Yet some businesses explode after the parents die, making the child that took over the business very wealthy. Alternatively, the business may stumble or even fail, leaving that child in far worse financial situation than their siblings. Either way, the disparity in financial position creates acrimony.
• Asset in one child’s name – Parents often put assets in a child’s name for probate or tax planning purposes. But as the saying goes, ownership is nine-tenths of the law. Some siblings may depart from the parents’ assumption that they will act just as trustees of that asset for their siblings. They may think of themselves as the actual owner of the asset.
• No parents, no buffers - One comment from Charles’ book I found truly relevant was “that once the parental referees are out of the picture, the gloves come off.” I have seen this so often. Parents really do act as buffers and referees for their children. Without a referee, disagreements can break out.
• Spouses and in-laws – Spouses and in-laws in the ear of one child stoking their belief that the parents divided assets unfairly have caused many a sibling fight.

Parents: Have that discussion

Many of the above issues are human nature, which can’t be avoided entirely. But parents need to consider all the above possibilities when drafting a will. Readers of my blog will know that I am a huge proponent of discussing your will to a full or partial extent with your family and explaining your intentions. I think this can sometimes avoid or minimize sibling estate issues.

It is sad that sibling estate fights are even a topic, but they do unfortunately often become an issue. Parents, my suggestion to you is consider these issues, get good estate planning advice, consider a family meeting, and take off your rose-coloured glasses when planning your estate.

This site provides general information on various tax issues and other matters. The information is not intended to constitute professional advice and may not be appropriate for a specific individual or fact situation. It is written by the author solely in their personal capacity and cannot be attributed to the accounting firm with which they are affiliated. It is not intended to constitute professional advice, and neither the author nor the firm with which the author is associated shall accept any liability in respect of any reliance on the information contained herein. Readers should always consult with their professional advisors in respect of their particular situation. Please note the blog post is time sensitive and subject to changes in legislation or law.

“My Kids Will Never Fight Over My Estate”

In December 2019, I reviewed the book “Bobby Gets Bubkes: Navigating the Sibling Estate Fight.” In that book, estate lawyer Charles Ticker attempts to explain how to avoid, or at least limit, sibling estate fights when drafting your will. In the comments section to that post, Michael James, who writes the excellent finance blog Michael James on Money, made the following remark:

Sounds like an interesting book. Sadly, I'm guessing most people incorrectly think that their own kids would never squabble in these ways, so they think they don't need to follow the book's advice.

Michael’s “guess” is very perceptive. Based on my experiences over 35 years as an accountant, many parents look at their children and their sibling relationships with rose-coloured glasses or, in some cases, with blinders. As a consequence, they ignore clear warning signals that their children have significant sibling rivalry issues and don’t work well together. In some cases, you can almost predict a sibling estate fight.

Let me be clear. I am not saying every estate has a sibling fight. Many families settle and distribute the estate in accordance with the will and their parent’s wishes with little acrimony. However, this is far from the case in many estates, as human nature can turn ugly when there is money and sentimental items at stake, especially where sibling issues have reared their heads during the parents’ lifetimes.

Today, I am going to list factors in no particular order that can cause siblings to squabble over an estate.

Why siblings squabble over an estate

• Greed – Very simply, money causes some people to lose their minds and perspective. This can destroy sibling relationships.
• Grabbers – I have seen this many times. One child “grabs,” or takes, items before the will is considered, or even ignores the wishes of the will, which starts a spiral of hurt and mistrust among the siblings.
• Sentimental items – Children often fight over these items. In many cases, this issue can be avoided if the parent simply provides a specific item-by-item allocation in their wills of sentimental items such as jewelry. Parents can also cause huge sibling issues when they promise or tell a child they will receive a certain item and then do not specifically allocate that item to the child in their will—or worse yet, allocate the item to another child. Parents: always make your will consistent with what you have told your children, or communicate the change to them.
• Grandchildren – There is no right or wrong answer here, but parents really need to think through how to allocate their estate when one of their children does not have children of their own or each family has a different number of grandchildren. Is the estate split equally by family? And if giving money directly to grandchildren—does each grandchild receive the same amount, or is the allocation equal by family and a grandchild with no siblings receives more than a grandchild with siblings?
• Business assets – When parents leave a business to one sibling and equalize other siblings in cash or investments of equal value, one would think they have accomplished peak fairness. Yet some businesses explode after the parents die, making the child that took over the business very wealthy. Alternatively, the business may stumble or even fail, leaving that child in far worse financial situation than their siblings. Either way, the disparity in financial position creates acrimony. And it’s just one specific nuance of conflict in family business succession.
• Asset in one child’s name – Parents often put assets in a child’s name for probate or tax planning purposes. But as the saying goes, ownership is nine-tenths of the law. Some siblings may depart from the parents’ assumption that they will act just as trustees of that asset for their siblings. They make think of themselves as the actual owner of the asset.
• No parents, no buffers - One comment from Charles’ book I found truly relevant was “that once the parental referees are out of the picture, the gloves come off.” I have seen this so often. Parents really do act as buffers and referees for their children. Without a referee, disagreements can break out.
• Spouses and in-laws – Spouses and in-laws in the ear of one child stoking their belief that the parents divided assets unfairly have caused many a sibling fight.

Parents: Have that discussion

Many of the above issues are human nature, which can’t be avoided entirely. But parents need to consider all the above possibilities when drafting a will. Readers of my blog will know that I am a huge proponent of discussing your will to a full or partial extent with your family and explaining your intentions. I think this can sometimes avoid or minimize sibling estate issues.

It is sad that sibling estate fights are even a topic, but they do unfortunately often become an issue. Parents, my suggestion to you is consider these issues, get good estate planning advice, consider a family meeting, and take off your rose-coloured glasses when planning your estate.

The content on this blog has been carefully prepared, but it has been written in general terms and should be seen as broad guidance only. The blog cannot be relied upon to cover specific situations and you should not act, or refrain from acting, upon the information contained therein without obtaining specific professional advice. Please contact BDO Canada LLP to discuss these matters in the context of your particular circumstances. BDO Canada LLP, its partners, employees and agents do not accept or assume any liability or duty of care for any loss arising from any action taken or not taken by anyone in reliance on the information on this blog or for any decision based on it.

Please note the blog posts are time sensitive and subject to changes in legislation.

BDO Canada LLP, a Canadian limited liability partnership, is a member of BDO International Limited, a UK company limited by guarantee, and forms part of the international BDO network of independent member firms. BDO is the brand name for the BDO network and for each of the BDO Member Firms.

Solving the sibling wealth gap

We Canadians are famous for staying private about money. But finances can undermine family unity in insidious ways. At the top of this list is wealth disparities among siblings.

To help address wealth gaps among siblings, I’ve asked my colleague Jeffrey Smith to share his experiences on this subject when advising high net worth families. Jeff is a Senior Manager in BDO’s Wealth Advisory Services practice, based in Kelowna, BC.
________________

By Jeffrey Smith

As a child, I never really noticed wealth disparities at family gatherings. Everyone seemed to be the same: grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles. No one had a lake house or cottage, or did multiple family vacations; everyone met Fridays at my grandparents to visit. We were all the same, or so I thought.

Now, many years later, I see these differences within families—in both my own and others. The issue comes up regularly when doing financial and estate planning for families and advising them on how to manage their wealth.

Many families suffer from friction caused by one sibling having more money than the other. Whether this is due to differing lifestyle choices or career impairment due to health, sibling relationships can break down due to income and wealth disparity. Parents can’t solve all these problems for their children—sometimes the biggest challenge is to not intervene—but they can at least avoid increasing the conflict.

Two siblings, two lifestyles

Consider this fictional example with some true-to-life themes.

A large family with many children includes two brothers who have been very close from the time they were toddlers. That all changed when they graduated university. The older one (let’s call him “Dan”) finished his schooling a few years before the younger one (let’s call him “Stewart”). By the time Stewart graduated, Dan had married into a wealthy family. This allowed Dan to live a life of leisure, at least in Stewart's eyes. Meanwhile, Stewart began looking for his first job.

He also began to feel jealous of Dan. For the first 25 years of their lives, they were equals; now Dan leads a privileged life, where money is almost no object. Animosity grew as Dan invited Stewart to expensive events and enjoyed his possessions, which Stewart couldn’t afford. Unfortunately, what was once the closest of childhood relationships deteriorated into occasional chats based more on obligation than brotherly love.

Sibling wealth disparities are so different from other differences in wealth. Comparing yourself to a friend or co-worker, you can internally justify why they may appear to be ahead of you financially. Maybe they inherited a large sum or came from a wealthy family; however, when comparing your financial success to your brother or sister, those justifications sometimes fall. (Though not in Dan and Stewart’s case.)

From the perspective of an outsider, siblings would have had the same advantages and disadvantages growing up, been influenced by the same parents, and had access to the same financial and academic resources. Therefore, when one sibling finds more financial success, people can make assumptions about intelligence and work ethic.

Is that reasonable, though? What if one sibling suffered from a medical impairment or financial hardship early in life? What if finances are different because of divorce or one having more children than the other? What if one married into wealth? What if the wealth variances are solely a reflection of drive, determination and work ethic?  Obviously, a complex and delicate area.

When wealth gaps occur, it can impact the sibling relationship. As wealth is generated, lifestyle changes naturally occur—people may eat out more or travel more. The experiences and bonds that were created growing up on a level playing field now have unequal pressure. This can harm the relationship, sometimes irrevocably.

The role of planning

While sibling wealth variances based on independent individual circumstances are subject to many variables that cannot be controlled, family related wealth variances can be controlled or minimized in many circumstances. Families need to avoid negative pitfalls from poor planning that may inadvertently lead to significant wealth disparity for the next generation. Let’s consider a situation that is fictional but reflects real-life realities.

A successful farming family plans its family business succession. The parents decide to retire, and help their son continue the farm by giving him the equipment and an equivalent amount of cash to their daughter. The parents decide they wish to retain ownership of the land for retirement income via rent. 

At first glance this all seems fair. The son receives debt-free equipment and the daughter receives cash to do what she pleases. Everyone appears happy, except for one bit of information that is far more important than it seems: What price is the son paying to rent the parents’ land?

The question arises at a client review of their net worth and income. As the family’s advisor, I would ask why the son is paying far less than market value for renting the farm. The answer? Rent was based on the parents’ expected cash needs and did not consider fair market rents.

Here is where wealth disparity is inadvertently created by mom and dad. The son has been operating a farm. Depending on the amount of time, amount of savings, and how one wants to quantify the savings and overall impact on the son’s business, the total benefit could reach millions of dollars. Therefore, the son receives a significant benefit compared to his sister because of his parents’ retirement.

In this example, we can help this fictional family by identifying and quantifying the unintended wealth inequality. They would then be able to equalize it, and likely strengthen the sibling bond in the process. But it does underline that one must look at all factors when transitioning a business. If you don’t consider all related transactions, you too could be creating unintended consequences.

What grandparents can do

It’s not just parents who need to watch for planning missteps on wealth. Grandparents can cause hard feelings and friction when they name grandchildren directly in the will. When a sibling does not have children, they may feel like they’re penalized for not having children.

Depending on the amount of money and number of grandchildren, the estate may erode significantly. Consider whether instead your children should receive equal units and then they control how much is passed on to their children; or you still leave money to grandchildren, but allocate equal amounts to each family regardless of how many children. There is no right answer, but these important planning areas warrant conversation and consideration. There are ways to keep the playing field equal, and in doing so keep the peace within the family.

Managing emotions can be difficult when discussing finances. But money and success should never ruin the foundation of family and relationships. Having good, open conversations, being honest about how you feel, and expressing what is bothering each party can mend the most fragile of family relationships and create stronger bonds.

Jeffrey Smith - CPA, CA, CFP, CLU - is a Senior Manager in BDO’s Wealth Advisory Services practice and can be reached at 250-763-6700 or by email at jrsmith@bdo.ca.

The content on this blog has been carefully prepared, but it has been written in general terms and should be seen as broad guidance only. The blog cannot be relied upon to cover specific situations and you should not act, or refrain from acting, upon the information contained therein without obtaining specific professional advice. Please contact BDO Canada LLP to discuss these matters in the context of your particular circumstances. BDO Canada LLP, its partners, employees and agents do not accept or assume any liability or duty of care for any loss arising from any action taken or not taken by anyone in reliance on the information on this blog or for any decision based on it.

Please note the blog posts are time sensitive and subject to changes in legislation.

BDO Canada LLP, a Canadian limited liability partnership, is a member of BDO International Limited, a UK company limited by guarantee, and forms part of the international BDO network of independent member firms. BDO is the brand name for the BDO network and for each of the BDO Member Firms.

Mixing and Matching: The Financial Ins and Outs of Blended Families

In February 2018, the Vanier Institute of the Family reported that there were nearly 518,000 stepfamilies, or blended families, in Canada in 2016. This total accounted for 12% of couples with children. The institute further broke down stepfamilies as simple (only one spouse brought children into the blended marriage - 61%) and complex (both spouses brought children into the marriage - 39%).

These statistics reflect that the Brady Bunch is not the uncommon family situation it once was. Blended families have gone mainstream.

Blended families bring a host of issues, from family integration to increased stepsibling rivalry to financial and tax issues. Today, I will address the key tax and financial issues.

Financial assets coming into the marriage

Unlike the typical marriage, where there are often minimal financial assets and the couple begins the slow climb to build those assets, blended families tend to occur later in life, where one or both parties have not only children but also substantial assets.

Both spouses have often gone through divorces and are very cognizant of protecting their assets. This results in some of the following issues:

1. In many cases, while both parents love and treat each others’ children as their own, the reality often is that one or both parents want to protect some or all of their assets for their biological children.
2. One spouse feels the other spouse should treat the stepchildren and biological children equally when it comes to finances and inheritance.
3. The children of one or both spouses fear their family’s assets or inheritance will be taken by the new spouse.

These are very complicated financial and emotional issues and are a minefield that must be navigated with care.

Key areas of financial and tax concern

The financial issues for a blended family are too numerous for a single blog post. Today I will cover the following issues:

1. The money discussion
2. Marriage contracts
3. Wills and powers of attorney
4. Prior documents
5. Estate planning

The Money Discussion

In a blended marriage, saving and spending habits are typically already in place for each spouse, and those habits may not be the same. The spouses’ financial assets may also be significantly different. Each spouse will have thoughts on their legacy. It is thus practical and responsible to discuss these issues before you enter into the blended marriage.

These discussions typically center on how expenses are shared, whether to open joint bank accounts, how assets purchased after the wedding will be owned, how to fund the children’s RESPs, and how to plan their estates.

While some of these topics can be contentious, it is always better to discuss financial topics before the discussion is forced on you.

Marriage contracts

Marriage contracts are very important in blended marriages where there are substantial assets and private corporations brought into the marriage. These agreements (technically known as prenuptial agreements when signed before the marriage), deal with support and division of property if the blended marriage dissolves or one spouse dies. It is also important to get advice on how family homes and other assets brought into the marriage are treated under the family law of that province. These variations in law may tie back directly into the marriage contract.

Discussing a marriage contract can be very unsettling for people entering a first marriage. In second or third marriages, the sobering reality of divorce proceedings often makes both parties more amendable to discussing and negotiating a marriage contract. It is suggested the contract take the form of a prenuptial agreement (i.e.- entered into before the marriage, not after). 

Many experts recommend discussing your marriage contract with your children (especially if they are older and responsible) to possibly alleviate their concern that their inheritance will be “taken” by the new spouse.

Wills and powers of attorney

Readers of this blog know I have written ad nauseam on ensuring you have an updated will and ensuring you have financial and personal care powers of attorney (POAs), the latter covering medical treatment and healthcare treatment. The POA gives authority to an individual to act as your agent.

Updating or preparing these documents is vital when entering into a blended marriage. This is because most provinces have rules relating to wills upon divorce that can affect or void how your current will is distributed. While provincial laws may or may not negate provisions related to your former spouse, you clearly in almost all cases want to remove any reference to your ex-spouse.

Your POA document will also often designate your former spouse, so you will want to update these documents and not leave it to provincial law to assign this key role.

As noted above, each province has different rules in respect to wills and POAs, so legal advice should be obtained.

Prior documents

It is important to review documents to determine if beneficiaries need to be updated. Some of the more important documents to review include the following:

1. Life insurance polices
2. RRSPs
3. Pension plans

The last thing most people want to do is leave their insurance, RRSP or pension plans to their former spouse.

Estate planning

Estate planning is complicated enough in a first marriage; second or third marriages multiply the risks and complexity. Say you leave all your assets to your spouse because their will also has provisions for your children. But as noted above, if your ex-spouse remarries, certain provinces may void their prior will and leave your children out of luck. Alternatively, they could change their will and “write out” your children. How do you ensure your wishes are undertaken?

Spousal trusts

Spousal trusts in general will allow your assets to flow tax-free into the trust for the benefit of your spouse. Your spouse, subject to terms of the trust, will be the beneficiary of the income and capital for as long as they live, and then the terms can specify that the remaining assets are transferred to your children and stepchildren. These trusts are complicated, and you need to engage a lawyer who specializes in estates to assist you with your planning. It is also prudent to have your accountant work hand in hand with the estate lawyer to cover off your financial and tax issues.

Direct gifts in your will

Another option is to leave distinct inheritances to your spouse, biological children and stepchildren in your will, create separate trusts for each, or do both. Again, tax planning is imperative, as there may be deemed tax dispositions on the gifts to your children if the inheritance is not a cash-only gift.

Gifts during lifetime

Depending upon your financial situation, it may be simpler to give gifts to your children while you are alive to help with home purchases, grandchildren’s educational needs or any other expense. Before undertaking this strategy, you should ensure you create a financial plan to ensure you do not put your retirement or your spouse’s future living expenses in jeopardy.

Insurance

Many people in blended marriages are conflicted or feel pressure to ensure their new spouse is taken care of, their biological children receive the inheritance the parent envisioned, and their stepchildren receive a similar inheritance to the biological children or at least something substantial. As there is only so much money and assets to go around, it is common to use life insurance to build additional liquidity to cover or assist in paying estate taxes, ensure vacation properties or businesses do not need to be sold, and provide funds for inheritance equality for children and stepchildren.

The above is a very cursory review of some of the complex issues facing the parents of blended families. As noted throughout the post, it is essential you obtain proper family, estate and tax advice as you navigate the financial issues of a blended marriage.

This post covered steps you can take to protect your assets when getting married - steps that are taken well in advance of a potential divorce. These days, as we weather the economic effects of COVID-19, we’re facing a challenge to our portfolios that few could have anticipated. But there are things you can do to protect your wealth. Have a look at this recent COVID-19 roundtable discussion featuring top economic and investment professionals.

The content on this blog has been carefully prepared, but it has been written in general terms and should be seen as broad guidance only. The blog cannot be relied upon to cover specific situations and you should not act, or refrain from acting, upon the information contained therein without obtaining specific professional advice. Please contact BDO Canada LLP to discuss these matters in the context of your particular circumstances. BDO Canada LLP, its partners, employees and agents do not accept or assume any liability or duty of care for any loss arising from any action taken or not taken by anyone in reliance on the information on this blog or for any decision based on it.

Please note the blog posts are time sensitive and subject to changes in legislation.

BDO Canada LLP, a Canadian limited liability partnership, is a member of BDO International Limited, a UK company limited by guarantee, and forms part of the international BDO network of independent member firms. BDO is the brand name for the BDO network and for each of the BDO Member Firms.

Navigating the Sibling Estate Fight – Plus a Book Giveaway

I recently read the book “Bobby Gets Bubkes: Navigating the Sibling Estate Fight” (bubkes is Yiddish, meaning nothing, nada, zip, zilch), by Charles B. Ticker, which explains how to navigate a sibling estate fight. Charles, who is a mediator and estate litigation lawyer, previously contributed a guest post to this blog on The Top Five Areas of Estate Litigation.

As an accountant who has dealt with families for many years and has written on various sibling issues (such as Sibling Rivalry – Parents Beware, it is not only a Childhood Isssue and Is Your Estate Planning Horizontally Challenged?, where I discuss how parents need to consider their children’s sibling relationships when drafting a will), I found this book very interesting.

Today I am going to highlight a few of the issues and points made in the book that caught my attention (Note: I am not reviewing each chapter, so I jump between chapters in my post below).

In addition, Charles has graciously provided three free copies of his book to give away to readers of the blog. Please see the details at the end of the post.

Mom always liked you best

In his book, Charles states that many sibling estate fights have deep roots that can go back 50 or more years. In the first chapter he notes the most famous line from the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, a classic TV show from the late sixties, where Tommy Smothers would complain to his brother, Dick, “Mom always liked you best.” Charles recounts how Tommy said the audience went wild the first time he came out with that line and that it resonated because everyone could relate to the experience.

The issues siblings have do sometimes stem from perceived favouritism by mom, but more likely they come from an event or events that occurred in childhood, such as letting a pet get loose or “killing the pet through neglect,” taking a hockey card collection or injuries from roughhousing. Charles notes that once the parental referees are out of the picture, the gloves come off.

Charles sums up this topic by saying, “My clients constantly refer to negative childhood episodes involving a sibling with whom they are engaged in a legal dispute over the parent’s estate. Even though what happened when they were kids has nothing to do with the lawsuit, the painful memories of those negative experiences fuel the estate dispute between them as adults.”

It’s not fair!

In his second chapter, Charles notes a very common refrain from his clients: the will is not fair. But Charles states that it is a common misconception that a will has to be fair. He notes that “while wills are often challenged because they appear to be unfair, a successful challenge in most jurisdictions is not based on the issues of fairness but rather the issue of whether the parent understood what he or she was doing when the alleged unfair distribution of the estate was made.” This is a shock to most people

The concept of fairness is a tricky one. Is a will unfair if there are unequal gifts? Is the will unfair when there are equal gifts, but one child took mom into her home the last 10 years of the mother’s life and fed her and looked after her?

Charles concludes the second chapter by saying that perceived unfairness – regardless if the children are treated equally or unequally – may contribute to an estate fight.

Why it’s important to visit your parents

Many children are cut out of a will or left a smaller inheritance than their siblings because they had a diminished relationship or no relationship with their parents. Charles makes an interesting comment on this issue when he says, “This may seem like a cruel remark, but the bottom line is that an adult child should not expect to receive a bequest from a parent’s estate if he or she did not have an ongoing relationship with that parent.”

While this would seem obvious, apparently it is surprising to many of Charles’ clients.

Parents: Have that discussion

Readers of my blog will know that I am a huge proponent of discussing your will to some extent with your family and explaining your intentions. Charles seems to agree with me. He states that choosing not to talk to your children is a big mistake, “as leaving questions unanswered can create these difficult disputes.”

The child as a caregiver

I commented above on whether it is fair to have equal gifts where one child has looked after a parent for years. This has become more common the past few years, whether the care is in the home of the child or in the parent’s home or a nursing home. Very often one child becomes the primary caregiver - through desire, geographic location, job demands, whatever.

Charles notes that in Ontario the caregiver child may be able to claim for more of the estate based on the care they provided to their parents. They do this by claiming compensation for services rendered to the parent based on a doctrine called quantum meruit. Of course, this all presumes there was no formal contract between the parent and the child.

Broken promises

In Chapter 4, Charles discusses the common complaint from a child that a parent had promised a particular asset or gift to the child and that “promise” was not in the actual will. Charles notes a recent Ontario case on the issue, where a farmer broke his promise to leave the family farm to his son. Fourteen years after the farmer passed away and enormous amounts of money were expended in legal fees, the Ontario Superior Court awarded the farm to the son but ordered him to pay $1.325 million to his sister.

The moral of the story is: parents, if you promise your child something, ensure it is reflected in your will or don’t make the promise in the first place.

As I don’t want to give away the whole book, I will stop here. If you would like to order a copy of Charles' book, purchase it here (Canadian link).

Charles Ticker is an estates lawyer based in Toronto who focuses on estate litigation and mediation of estate disputes. More information about him can be found at http://www.tickerlaw.com/. The information in this blog is not intended to be legal advice. Readers should consult their own lawyer, attorney or other professional for advice.

Book giveaway

As noted above, Charles has provided me three books to give away to my readers. If you are interested in a copy of the book, email me at bluntbeancounter@gmail.com by December 16th. I will notify the winners by email on December 20th.

The above blog post is for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal or other professional advice or an opinion of any kind. Readers are advised to seek specific legal advice regarding any specific legal issues.

The content on this blog has been carefully prepared, but it has been written in general terms and should be seen as broad guidance only. The blog cannot be relied upon to cover specific situations and you should not act, or refrain from acting, upon the information contained therein without obtaining specific professional advice. Please contact BDO Canada LLP to discuss these matters in the context of your particular circumstances. BDO Canada LLP, its partners, employees and agents do not accept or assume any liability or duty of care for any loss arising from any action taken or not taken by anyone in reliance on the information on this blog or for any decision based on it.

Please note the blog posts are time sensitive and subject to changes in legislation.

BDO Canada LLP, a Canadian limited liability partnership, is a member of BDO International Limited, a UK company limited by guarantee, and forms part of the international BDO network of independent member firms. BDO is the brand name for the BDO network and for each of the BDO Member Firms.

Sibling Rivalry-Parents Beware, it is not only a Childhood Issue

This past summer, while driving to a golf course 30 minutes outside of Toronto, my friend and I played a game of high school geography. After playing the game for a few minutes, he asked me if I had heard what had happened to Tiny and his younger brother Tim. I said no, and my friend then related this tragic story.

As part of a family business succession plan, Tiny and Tim were given control of Papahasdough Co. This succession plan was well-founded as both Tiny and Tim had worked in the business for years and were ready to take the business to a new level. Although the brothers were given equal shares of Papahasdough Co., Tiny assumed the role as CEO and Tim was named CFO. However, Tiny, as he had all his life, acted as Tim’s older brother/boss and not his equal. Tim, who had resented Tiny since childhood for acting superior, rebelled. The brothers had a severe falling out and lawsuits followed. The story gets far uglier, but I’ll spare you the gory details.

In this sad saga, sibling rivalry moved from childhood to adulthood. One may think this uncommon; however, according to a 2004 article by Offra Gerstein Ph.D, titled How to deal with Adult Sibling Rivalry, sibling rivalry can significantly impact relationships between adult siblings.

Dr. Gerstein states that “the need to restore one’s worth in one’s eyes may take the form of life long competition. If I “win” and my brother “loses”, then I may prove that my parents were wrong in favoring him. This may not be a conscious thought but the action may reflect this motivation.”

Jane Mersky Leder in her article titled Adult Sibling Rivalry says “Western culture has an obsession with sibling rivalry that began with the story of Cain and Abel and was elaborated by Freud, who labelled and dwelt on the competition between siblings for parental love and attention. It's colored our perception of sibship ever since.”

Sibling rivalry can manifest itself in many ways during adulthood, both financially (the distribution of family assets) and psychologically (perceived favouritism). However, in this blog, I am just going to deal with how sibling rivalry can affect the succession of a family business. The issues of business succession are varied and complex even for families without sibling rivalry baggage.

Family succession issues include: Which child does the parent give the voting shares to? Who is named CEO? If the children do not have the same commitment to the business, should they be given equal shares or equal salaries? These issues are intensified when there is sibling rivalry and I would suggest the parents are ultimately responsible for recognizing that this issue can be divisive and toxic, as in the case of Tiny and Tim.

Even where parents are in a no-win situation, at a minimum they must consider options to mitigate potential issues. Alternatives may include selling the business or giving the shares to one child and equalizing the other child through cash or other means.

A 2001 paper by the National Center for Employee Ownership presented by their research council states “sibling rivalry can pose another obstacle to smooth succession in cases where the retiring owner is transferring company leadership to more than one child. While some rivalries are inevitable, these must be managed so as not to impair business judgement or prevent collaboration from taking place. A wide variety of approaches – such as enlisting one of the retired owner’s trusted advisors or a very senior non-family manager as a mediator – can prove successful in preventing rivalry from becoming destructive.”

Phil Thompson in his paper Succession Planning and the Family Business states that “without careful planning and parenting, including outside counselling, sibling rivalry can wreck a succession plan. Unfortunately, sibling rivalry often stays buried until after the parent is dead. Deal with sibling rivalry right at the beginning, and build a plan that will not fall apart over this issue. Problems can arise either when more than one sibling is involved in the business or when only one of your children is involved. The decision you make with the business can affect how other family assets are considered, including houses and cottages."

Many parent(s) work their entire lives to build a family business with the hope of passing it on to their children. It is very sad that childhood sibling rivalries can be carried into adulthood and it is incumbent upon the parent(s) to recognize this issue and plan to mitigate any potential fallout.

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The blogs posted on The Blunt Bean Counter provide information of a general nature. These posts should not be considered specific advice; as each reader's personal financial situation is unique and fact specific. Please contact a professional advisor prior to implementing or acting upon any of the information contained in one of the blogs.